It must have been love, but it’s over now. Here is my own personal list of awards and mentions for the year that has just passed.
According to ratings I gave on Rotten Tomatoes, my Top 10 films of 2013 (in no particular order) would be:
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Life of Pi
The Master (very long and very boring- my type of film)
Zero Dark Thirty
The Place Beyond The Pines
Star Trek Into Darkness
Stoker (Watch it)
Based on this, I’m gonna have to give film of the year to Django Unchained. No, I haven’t seen Gravity yet.
Guilty Pleasure of the year: Dredd
Best Movie of the Year that was concerned with the Apocalypse: Pacific Rim
Best White House Gets Taken Over By Terrorists Movie of the Year: Olympus Has Fallen
Best non-2013 Movie of the Year: Mulligans
Disappointments of the year:
The Great Gatsby (Carey, you’re better than this)
The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug (This has the narrative fluency of half an episode of Lost. Calling it a movie is false advertising)
Song of the Year: If you asked me another time it might be different, but at the moment it’s Hannah Hunt by Vampire Weekend.
Here’s a Spotify playlist of the music I listened to a lot in 2013 (although the songs are not necessarily from this year)
My musical achievement of the year: Embedding that playlist in this blogpost.
Performance of the year: Romania in the Eurovison.
As close as you can get on live family TV to having a dress made out of naked men.
Game of the Year: GTAV
Achievement of the year (and not just with regards to video games): Achieving 100% completion of GTAV in 13 days.
Disappointment of the year (and not just with regards to video games): Actually only achieving 98.9% completion in GTAV as a result of a glitch in the game that won’t let me enter the stripclub so I can seduce a stripper and bring her home with me. I wrote to Rockstar Games, they say they fixed the problem, but that I will have to delete my files and start over if I want to get 100%. I hate them now.
Game of the Year: That Confederations Cup game that James Gandolfini died in the middle of, changing the Twitter narrative dramatically. I can’t remember who was playing, but it was end-to-end stuff. Japan were involved.
Sports Disappointment of the Year: Turning on the last five minutes of Ireland v New Zealand (rugby), only to see Ireland lose with the last kick of the game.
Player of the Year: Arjen Robben
The tortures that the gods put him through in that Champions League final before finally allowing him to score beggar belief.
Pass of the Year: That inch-perfect through ball I played to Jose in the Prater, setting him up for the goal that would end the game, due to the sun setting and us wanting to go home. You all remember it.
Meme of the year: The Harlem Shake
I could watch these videos for hours.
App of the Year: Vine
This is actually very closely related to the Harlem Shake above. Video sharing hasn’t taken off online as usually people are very fond of themselves and upload videos that are far too long. Both the Harlem Shake and Vine constrain the videos to just a few seconds, meaning any upload has to be carefully thought out.
Holy Mass of the Year: Christmas Eve, Loughnavelley
Father O’ Connor knows how to work an altar.
Bad Taste Moment of the Year: That US swimmer that swam from Florida to Cuba. Everyone in America thought she was great, but seriously, how many Cubans die every year trying to make the reverse journey?
Person of the Year: Edward Snowden
It’s easy to be cynical, but until he came out, politicians didn’t have to answer questions on this stuff.
Idiot of the Year: Jacob Zuma
He is very lucky that the sign language guy took all the heat from the Mandela funeral. In reality, Zuma was the one who organised possibly the Worst Funeral in History, attempting to gain international prominence through lecturing half the major world leaders as a captive audience. It should be put into law that Zuma’s own funeral should be held in a football stadium.
The Miley Cyrus Award for News That We Really Shouldn’t Have Cared About: Rob Ford
A local politician in Canada smokes crack, great. The Miley Cyrus thing was actually more relevant to all our lives than this, which should highlight the insignificance of the Rob Ford narrative.
The “Old Man Award” for Youth Culture Item of the Year That I Don’t Understand: Twerking
I have read Wikipedia articles, watched instructional videos and even asked people in their early 20’s, but still I just don’t have a clue
The ‘So Close’ Award: Me betting on the wrong pope
I reasoned that they had to pick someone from the New World, and none is more safe than an Argentine with an Italian name. Unfortunately, I put my tenner on Leonardo Sandri, and not Jorge Mario Bergoglio.
The “Instant Classic Anecdotal Ice-Breaker” Award: When I went to Bulgaria and waited on the shore with my girlfriend while her dad caught crabs in a lake near the Macedonian border.
The “It Felt Like A Good Idea At The Time” Award: When I went to the shop to buy a map of the world, and instead came back with a book of maps from the fictional world of Game of Thrones.
Bender of the Year: The weekend of the Eurovision
On the Friday I was out all night, then hosted a Eurovision drinking game party the next evening. Sunday was the end of the football season so we went out to the pub to watch Arsenal reach the Champions League, followed by a Pub Quiz in Charlie P’s. I was hungover until July.
Biggest Regret of the Year: Hiring Bulgarian gypsies to help me move apartments.
On that note, I shall take my leave. I hope everyone had a great 2013, and also that 2014 be even better. Thanks for reading, and feel free to challenge any of my awards on Facebook or below.