One day in early July, I was bored and had a look through my junk e-mail folder, just to see if something important had gone there by mistake. Among the penis enlargement subscription emails that had been wrongly marked as spam, I saw something that really made me feel nostalgic. For I had received an email from a Togolese lawyer, who was informing me of a great opportunity to share a vast fortune, due to the fact that I was the long lost relative of a very rich man who had done very well out in farthest Togo. It filled me with nostalgia, as I remembered the first time I had received one of these emails, way back in 2003. I thought it was quite cute the way some people were still running the scam. For those that have never encountered the scam, it is generally referred to as The Nigerian Scam, as the ruse was originally regularly based around Nigeria. Simply put, a seemingly professional gentleman suggests to share a fortune with you. Once agreed, the scammer will attempt to extract some kind of bureaucratic fee from you, in order to release the funds from some sort of abstract frozen vortex of red tape. This fee will be extremely low compared to the eventual funds you will receive, so why not? Of course, you send the money through Western Union or some other insecure, anonymous medium, and you will never hear from the gentleman again. I have written about email scams here before, and have a genuine interest in how they play out, so I decided, for nostalgias sake, to play along. I hereby transcribe the three-week long relationship that I had with one Barrister Benson James Esq., in reference to the fortune of Stephen.M.Mulligan, a deceased client of the esteemed barrister.
Since the World Cup started a few weeks ago, I have been spending more time at home in my apartment than I usually do. During the group stage, if I didn’t go out to a bar to watch the games, this would involve staying on my couch in front of the TV from 6pm-2am in order to experience as much as possible of the most-sacred quadrennial spectacle. Staying in my apartment for this amount of time means that I am eating and cooking in my kitchen more than usual, and this brings issues. It’s June/July, so it’s hot outside. I am also not the tidiest or most careful of people, particularly when living alone. Add this to the fact that I live on the ground floor of an old building, and it is no surprise that every year I have problems with ants. As I explained, I am home more this year so it is a bit worse than I remember. I make something in my kitchen, constantly turning to see what is happening in the game, drop a piece of something on the floor, forget about it, and come back an hour later to see a few dozen ants working away on taking it back to the colony. So I spray them with whatever disinfectant spray substance I have handy, and then try and eliminate their trail back to wherever they got into the kitchen in the first place. Continue reading